Wednesday, March 24, 2010

They Say You Can't Go Home Again. Unfortunately They're Right.

As I was on my way to the post office today, I heard Miranda Lambert's new song, "The House That Built Me." So all day I've been very...reflective...I guess you could say. Basically the song is about a girl who goes back to her childhood home to try and fix her life by looking to the past. Now, right now I know what ALL of you are thinking. You are thinking something like, "Um....Dug, how the heck does this pertain to you? You live with your parents.....still."
I know, I know. I'm a ridiculous person, but let me explain. So, I quit my job. As most of you know, I hate my job, so why would that make me sad? Well, I really like my co-workers. A lot. I've been through this before. I worked at Allens for six years. SIX years. That's a long time. It was like my second home. Rob was my second father.....who I felt uncomfortable talking to because I feared him. Kyle was the awesome uncle who made me laugh hysterically. Barry was that creepy stalker in your life that you don't know how to deal you just go with it. Mani was like a cute little grandma who baked you cakes and wanted you to marry a rich husband. Peggy....I miss her. She owns goats. :) The checkers/baggers were like my siblings...and perspective spouses......though THAT never worked out. (Kiss mine, Pete!!!!) And Annette....oh Annette. She was my INSPIRATION!!!! I give her full credit for my decision on becoming a writer. If it weren't for her, I would never have dreamed to have the imagination to write creatively.
I know a lot of my friends and family thought it was not a good place for me to work. It took up too much of my social life (Like I even wanted one. Psh.) It stressed me out.....I smelled like fried chicken all the time...etc. etc. But I LOVED it there. When I was there, I felt confident, I felt safe, I felt like I was HOME. Then I quit, because you have to move on with life, I guess.
Let me tell you though, I miss that place every single day. When I drive by, I feel like there's a hole in my life. I can't even walk into the place because it makes me too sad. Not once since I quit that place have I felt half as confident in myself (Is that pathetic or what??.) Whenever my life gets all crazy, I honestly think to myself, "If I could only go back to my old Allens days. Then it'd all work itself out." That's why that song made me reminiscent. That, added to the fact that I have to go through it all over again.
I've become very good friends with everyone at Healthwise. They're like my family. They think I'm cool!!! It's a rare thing, finding people who've heard me clear my throat of a popcorn kernel and still respect me. :) Or not give me crap about being single......wait.....scratch that. They DO give me crap. Lots of it. But that's OK. I like them enough that I'm cool with it. All the hilarious videos, the hysterical conversations. I'll miss them so much. Sure, you can always try and keep in contact with people, but it's never the same.
Life never stops for you to catch up, and you have to leave people behind. In my case, it's usually me being left behind. I barely see my best friend who used to be attached to my hip (Thanks alot Brodie!). I never talk to my high school friends (except on Facebook. What would we do without it?) And it's not that I don't want to hang with them, or talk with them, and it's not that they don't want to see me, it's just a fact of life that people come and go. And it SUCKS. At the worst moments in life, you'd think that good memories would make things easier. But they don't. They just make the worst moments more terrible. Because you're stuck with the fact that you can't turn back time, you can't regain the friendships you once had, you can't relive the shining moments. Thankfully God is merciful and he keeps allowing new wonderful people to enter your life and sometimes there are those few who, for some reason, stick by you forever (Thank you, Nay!). And then there's family. Sometimes I don't treat them as well as I should because I start feeling crowded, and like I'm not my own person anymore, but at the end of the day they're all I've got. And I've really come to like them.
I apologize for the heavy post. I know I usually keep things light....and hilarious....but I guess there's two sides to every coin. I'll be on the up and up next post, don't you even fret. :D


Vanae said...

It is a good thing that you mentioned my name there at the end, because I was about to go all psycho-killer on you. I mean, not ALL of your high school friends leave you. The ones who are just as loser-ish as you are still here. Doesn't that give you some comfort? I can't relate with you on the job thing, though. I don't miss working at other places. I miss Cedar Fort... but.... eh. But then maybe I don't miss Cedar Fort because I know I will probably go back someday. I don't know.
Hmmm. I'm almost creating a blog of my own here. I'll stop. Just know that I love you. And hate your job. I love that you hate your job. :)

Chubbylove said...

That made me miss Allen's too! And I'll miss walking next door to pester you :( Good thing you're stuck with me forever...which may be why you're so sad. But that's life sucka!! And think of the good times to come. Like more Harvest Moon, chocolate ghoulash, fluffy puppies... I'm runnin out of things. But I love ya. Good luck!!

Pharmd Biker said...

interesting that you have 1 line of hating it here and quitting, then having a book about allens. Has it been that bad? Really??